Nearly 1 in 2 people in the USA have a chronic illness and about 96% of it invisible. Are these women attending your church retreats? Many of them are suffering silently, depressed, isolated, and feeling very alone. Others are some of the wisest, calming, most spiritually beautiful women who will touch attendees at your retreat in ways no planned speaker can. But are any of them coming?
Rest Ministries is the largest Christian organization that serves the chronically ill, and they recently surveyed 20 people about the specifics of attending a retreat while living with illness. Out of the twenty respondents, seventeen attend retreats less since their diagnosis. When asked why, they shared the following:
Three said, "Accessibility issues (I know I can't easily get to and from different buildings at the retreat)"; 6 people reported, "The pain factor. It's just too draining"; 4 responded, "The unpredictable health issues"; and 10 said, "A combination of the above."
So, how could you encourage these women to get involved again in your church retreat?
1. When weighing different retreat locations, consider the limitations of people with chronic illness when asking the retreat centers questions. Promote that you have this information before people register.
For example, ask the retreat center personnel about factors such as: Are the hills steep? Are there carts available for transportation? How far are the rooms from the main meeting center? Is there seating available other then collapsible metal folding chairs? What about elevators? One woman shares, "I stopped going a year or so ago because the retreat planner does not tell you what is expected, or about walking, stairs, etc. They need to be more honest." Those with chronic illness typically look for retreat centers held in locations where little walking is necessary and preferably the ground is flat. Large homes or hotels are also good options. While it's easy for a retreat planner to assume that fifty yards is a "short walking distance," fifty steps may be exhausting for some people. So provide the actual distances on your promotional flyer. Don't just write "Rooms are a short walking distance from the main building."
2. Realize that women with illness have a great desire to go on retreats and get to know others, but they also will be on their own schedule at times. Don't take it personally.
Margaret lives with a malignant brain tumor and uterine cancer. She says, "I don't attend retreats because people don't want to understand or accept that sometimes I have to retreat from the 'retreat.' I may have to go back to my room to rest. Others decide that I'm escaping from my problems. They demand that I participate in whatever is happening. I'm not wishing to be anti-social and I will participate when God enables me to do so; but at the same time, when God tells me to rest, I must rest despite what the [retreat] 'timetable' states." One way a retreat director can help rectify this is by distributing the retreat's event schedule a week or so before the event, even if it's just posted on the church's web site.
3. When planning ice-breakers or fun games make sure there is something comfortable those with limited physical abilities can do if they choose
If people don't want to participate in the relay race where everyone dresses up in costumes, allow them to do their own thing. Debbie, who has chronic fatigue syndrome says, "Unfortunately, I have yet to find a retreat director who understands that I am not able to participate, not because I'm uncooperative, shy, or antisocial, but simply because I cannot physically do so; the result is that I do not attend church retreats."
4. Don't gasp at all they pack
Though all women have necessities they pack to be more comfortable for their stay, those with chronic illness will have extra stuff. These may include: their own bedding, special cushions for chairs, a few pillows, eighteen kinds of snacks, pain patches, shades to sleep, and a flashlight and a book to read if sleep doesn't happen. They may pack special water, a humongous pillbox of medicine (don't comment), and perhaps even a service dog (which she likely would have spoken to you about before the event).
5. Though you have good intentions with your suggestions, remember that she knows her body better than you do, and she's trying to plan for her best experience
Riding on the bus with everyone else, for example, may put her in a great deal of pain the entire weekend. So if she requests a ride in a car with a staff member, make that accommodation. If she puts on a headset to listen to music, don't take it personally that she isn't talking. She may need to rejuvenate so that she is able to socialize that evening. She also may need to eat. If she is diabetic, she will likely need to eat small snacks and meals throughout the weekend. Don't tell her, "Dinner it is in just thirty minutes, so please wait so you can eat with us."
6. Recognize that she's not being a prima donna; take her requests in stride
While she may insist that she get the bottom bunk bed and then pull out her own mattress and pillows, it's not because she thinks she is the Princess and the Pea. Some of her needs are likely medical requirements. One example is having electricity in the rooms for people who use something such as the CCAP machine which treats sleep apnea. (Out of 20 women surveyed, 2 of them were required to use one). She may also have medications that need to be refrigerated, and an ice pack won't keep it cold enough. So she may need access to a staff member who can get into the retreat center kitchen. Sheryl, lives with chronic myofascial pain, and she says, "Make sure there are always chairs available for those who can't stand more than a couple of minutes." Although it's unlikely you will be able to see the person's chronic pain, she may not be able to stand more than a couple minutes comfortably.
7. Allow her to keep her illness as private as possible
Marjorie says, "When an explanation is given in confidence, avoid reacting so that everyone present knows that I have a problem." Anjuli, who lives with congenital myopathy (a form of Muscular Dystrophy) agrees. "Don't single me out!"
8. Have scholarships available
Chronic illness is very expensive and most of these women are on an extremely limited budget. Rarely will they ask for financial help to attend a church retreat, however, because they assume someone must need it more than them. Quietly let them know scholarships are available.
9. Assign a person in charge of overseeing the necessities of those with chronic illness
The best person to choose may be your "healthiest" volunteer who has a chronic illness yourself, or a cancer survivor. This person would communicate with those who are attending and do the best they can to meet their needs and concerns. The women who responded to the Rest Ministries' survey still attend church retreats and typically approach the planner of the retreat before the event and discussed their health issues. But dozens of others who would like to attend simply assume that the church is unable to accommodate their needs, and they never ask if they might attend. Try to reach out to the women who assume they are unable to go. One way may be by putting a special line on your promotional flyer that says, "Do you live with chronic illness? Ask us about our special accommodations! We would love to see you there!"
Those who live with chronic illness are one of the most valuable gifts in our church that we often overlook. September 8-14, 2008 is National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week, sponsored by Rest Ministries, and it's the perfect time to take a second look at your ministry's priorities and who is missing out on being served. Don't forget that the joy in the Lord many ill people have is also contagious and your church is missing out on their influence. Get them involved today. In time, one of them may be your next retreat speaker.
Author Resource:-
Lisa Copen is the founder of Rest Ministries, and author of "Beyond Casseroles: 505 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend." This book is impacting thousands of lives, as churches give away it around the country, committing to finding fresh ways to minister to those who are hurting.
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